Wake Up Call

Man, oh Man.

There is nothing I love more than waking up to a 16 month old screaming

through his monitor in the morning.

At 5 AM.

Cooper was pissed this morning.

Nothing would calm him.

Water?

Thrown on the ground.

His binks?

Chucked out of his crib.

Patting his back.

Helpful until Heaven forbid Mama wanted to leave.

This continued on and off until 630 AM when this Mama gave up.

Apparently it was breakfast time. 

So we made the typical waffles with syrup

(we are trying to fatten him up, no judgement)

Said waffles are in their usual bowl, accompanied by the customary 3 pronged plastic baby fork.

All breakfast necessities are then given to the screaming child.

What happens next you ask?

But of course, said waffle pieces are flying through the air all at once

landing on the floor in the sticky, gooey mess that undoubtedly is to be added to the chaos of the morning.

During this time, the child is unconsolable. 

Full on freak out mode.

Rocking back and forth,

Head-butting the high chair

Alligator tears falling.

WAFFLES DO NOT COOK FAST ENOUGH!

We are dealing with a World War over waffles.

I repeat:

Waffles.

After the debris has been cleared,

and new ammo is supplied 

(Thank the Heavens that second waffle was ready)

I brace myself for another explosion.

Apparently this waffle appeased Cooper and was sufficient in its task of completing its mission into the child's belly.

But not before there were some casualties ejected from the tray.

I believe we can agree that we have reached the so-called "Terrible Twos".

Did I mention the child in discussion is only 16 months?

That isn't even a year and a half.

Someone did their math wrong.

It would seem they must be mistaken. 

Either that,

or Cooper is extremely advanced in this developmental stage.

So here is where we as parents are confused.

The "Terrible Twos" 

is a term coined as a ruse to give parents the mindset that they have a year  or more of "peace" between the sleepless infant stage and the horrific screams of the two year olds.

When they fabricated this mythical "peace" period, 

they neglected to encompass the Angelic infant children who are now terrorizing the unsuspecting parents.

So thank you for that,

What to Expect the First Year

and

What to Expect the Second Year

and all you other parenting books, 

for giving parents false hope and expectations.

And people ask me when we are having a second child...