When all you want is wine, but you're on a diet..

One thing I hate about social media and blogs, 

is the fact that people only share the best versions of themselves and their lives.

You can look at someone's Instagram or their blog and be in awe of how perfect everything seems.

I definitely fall for it.

I sometimes gage my life based on what is presumed to be perfection by the images that I see.

I try to be as honest and open about our life in every aspect.

It isn't perfect by any means.

But we love it, and we like to share more good than bad.

That being said,

welcome to my life.

Wednesday.

Normally I like wednesdays.

We go to feeding therapy in the morning, 

run our errands in town,

go home for Coop to get a quick nap, 

then we go to my favorite thing ever. 

Cycling class.

That is my typical Wednesday.

However,

this Wednesday,

I desperately needed wine.

We went to feeding therapy, where Cooper ate a decent amount (banana chips only)

then it turned out Jeff was going to be in the area for a haircut so we met for lunch.

We normally don't see Jeff at all on Wednesday's because we are gone before he wakes up, and not home until after he leaves for work, so it was definitely a great little surprise!

That is where the good day ended.

Before we left, Jeff took Cooper to the bathroom, but he didn't need to go.

Typically he lets us know when he needs to and if we take him when he doesn't need to, he doesn't go.

So we went on with our errands and I repeated through the stores and the drives to let me know if he needed to go, to which he said "ok, mama"

He is always great at it.

Until Wednesday.

When we went into Fry's we were walking around for a little, then without any warning or letting me know he had to go, he peed his pants, just a little.

It was our last stop of the day before naps, so after wrangling him to come to the front

(of course he was a 2 year old who didn't want to listen at this particular moment)

we quickly paid for our groceries and went home.

We had just enough time to get home, change him, get a new bottle, then head back out to the gym.

So we had the same conversation. 

"Do not go pee pees in your pants, ok Cooper?"

"Ok, Mama"

I drop him off in the kidzone and go to my class.

After the class was over and I headed back to get Cooper, I see that he isn't in the main area.

Turns out he had peed his pants and needed a change so he was mid change in the bathroom with a worker helping him.

They put him in new underwear and new pants 

(pants had "child watch" written down the stripes so he essentially was wearing the cone of shame, in potty training terms "pants of shame")

and he had gone through to his shoes.

My child is now mismatched, wearing the pants of shame, shoeless.

I needed to run to Walmart on my way home to get paint 

(and a bottle of wine due to the day I had been having, and didn't have any in the house due to my diet)

But of course I couldn't go.

I couldn't be that mom.

I couldn't be put on "People of Walmart".

I couldn't be the mom coming straight from a sweaty workout, 

carrying her mismatched, pants of shame wearing, shoeless child through Walmart, carrying a tube of paint and a bottle of wine.

(Just picture that, will you? peopleofwalmart.com here I come)

I had to uphold some standards.

So even though that wine was tempting me to lower my standards,

we went straight home.

When we made it home,

I was getting Cooper's bottle ready when I heard him say,

"Mama, I pee peed"

Oooooof Course he did.

In the pants of shame, no less.

He has now peed his pants 3 times today for those keeping track.

I am deeply regretting my standards at this very moment.

I put him in time out this time because this is getting ridiculous.

I now have three pairs of pants, three pairs of underwear,

a pair of socks and a pair of shoes in the washer ready to be washed.

He is stripped half naked, and I am cleaning up, and he drinks his bottle.

When I say it is bedtime, I go to get his pajamas, which are on the leather ottoman, I notice they are wet.

So I ask Cooper if he spilled his bottle on them.

He says,

"No, Mama. I peed on them"

I said, 

"excuse me?"

"I peed on them Mama"

Because of course, when he peed his pants of shame, he happened to be sitting on top of the pajamas he would be wearing that night.

**Insert speechless emoji here**

I now have three pairs of pants, three pairs of underwear, a pair of socks, a pair of shoes, and a pair of pajamas all covered in the urine of my 2 year old.

 I take him upstairs and as I go, Cooper stops me and says

"Mama, I peed there"

again,

"Excuse me?"

"Mama, I peed there" 

while pointing to the bottom stair.

I didn't believe him,

so I put my hand down on the stair, and sure enough, it was wet.

WHEN I SENT HIM TO TIMEOUT FOR PEEING HIS PANTS HE PEED ON THE TIMEOUT STAIR

I.  CANNOT.  MAKE.  THIS.  UP.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

So I settled into a laury.

(see what I did there??)

So that was my Wednesday.

I took him up to his bath to clean the filth that is my child, 

and brought him to bed.

The last several weeks he has been crying every night when I leave the room,

 and not just a real cry,

but this fake whine-cry that ends up sounding like a pigeon

(true life mom confession, sometimes I don't even realize it is him awake and not just one of the few dozen pigeons that have inhabited our backyard)

But tonight, he sings his night night song with me, cuddles me while he does it, kisses me and when I lay him down, he says he wants to sit up with his cars, so I say, " Ok, I love you baby, sleep tight"

he says "Love you" then I leave the room.

When I walk into my room to finally shower,

he yells

" I LOVE YOU MAMA!!"

<3 

Pants of shame